We have all been there. In those moments that we have to make life altering decisions. You apply for something and hope and 'pray' and wish and dream that you will get it. You are confident in your abilities, yet you doubt yourself once or twice. Then, the denial/approval letter comes and it says that you were accepted. They want you; you of all people. You jump for joy, celebrate, spread it on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You text all of you friends. You call your closest relatives. All you think about is where this will lead you. Then two weeks before you deny the acceptance, even though you have already accepted. You really dig deep, hoping that you are making the right decision. You know it is the right one if you feel lighter the morning after this HUGE decision is made.
I was accepted into an Advance Standing position to the program I never thought I would apply for as I didn't think I would get in. At the University of Utah if you earn your Bachelor of Social Work, you may apply for the Advance Standing Master of Social Work program. I applied, was accepted, accepted the offer, and have since declined this same offer.
I don't owe anyone an explanation, but I want to put it out there, that sometimes decisions are out of our control. Ultimately, I would be going, but my heart and soul say it isn't the time. My heart is so broken from losing my baby brother, and there is this darkening cloud of sorrow growing over my head. It's time to deal with this grief in a way that my heart can at least be patient with me. I will get there. When that day happens I can move onto the next stage of my professional life, until then I will go on with my life.
Namaste.
